Steven Seagal, star of such movies as Above the Law; Executive Decision (my favorite Seagal performance is in this movie); and the upcoming The Untitled Onion Movie (as a character named “Cock Puncher”), has taken a brief break from starring in movies with rappers to insult Asians once again.
As though his “martial arts” skills weren’t enough, Steven has returned to head butt the Asian population into submission with his Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink. The drink comes in two flavors: Cherry Charge and the questionably-named “Asian Experience.” Steven Seagal knows what it means to be Asian and captures this awesome experience in every 16oz. can. Like a kick to the groin, each $2 can is packed with a bunch of ingredients selected by Seagal, “Energy Drink formulator,” for maximum energy.
This is all true, people.
Dane Cook is on SNL right now. You should know this.
Oh man, I feel famous now! Thannnnnnks